Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Allergies

I've never had a hard time with allergies, but as I've gotten older I do notice more sensitivity to thing in the air. Right now something is causing me to be so stuffed up as to make it hard to breathe.

I noticed it first in bed the other night while I was trying to sleep. I had to turn over on my back to let things grain so I could sleep. I'm not a back sleeper so it wasn't my preferred position, bit sometimes its inevitable. I found myself blowing my nose CVS for some benedryl sometime during this day. Perhaps that will provide me wit some relief. I hate to use it because it makes me tired, but I can do it right before bed anyway.
all day yesterday just to breathe, but the relief was short-lived. I'm thinking I should stop at

I pity those who suffer greatly with allergies because this little attack is laying me low. I know some people who have issues much of the spring, summer and fall. I'm lucky - and hopefully it will all pass soon.

And in any case, its not the kind of thing that keeps you from doing any of the things on your list. Life goes on, ragweed or tree pollen aside. So lets get on with the day and try to forget about it because its not going away. At least not today...

Monday, September 18, 2017

Daylight

I'm late today in getting to my computer to write.  I don't know why really, although the ambulance calls that kept me up all night could be a factor. Somehow without sleep I'm never quite on my game ad every hurdle seems higher - every task a bit more bothersome. Sleep is miraculous. And I need some of it.

Tonight I'll get in bed early and hopefully get a good eight hours because tomorrow the grandchildren arrive for an overnight. Just in time for a tropical storm to arrive. This could be an interesting week.

It's only 6:30 as I write this and already its pretty dark outside. Clearly the days are diminishing and the nights increasing. In another month we'll turn back the clocks and then it will be time to start getting out the winter throws and heavy comforters. I'm not sorry about the change of season, only the passing of time. It just goes too quickly these days.

I think the hardest thing about time slipping through my fingers is the feeling that I'm not making the most of whatever I have left. There are so many places I wanted to see and so many things I wanted to do. My bucket list will stay just that - a wish list unfulfilled. Time is running out.

I hope my children have more of the things I long for. And that's the way it supposed to be, right? We work hard and struggle through life so our children will do it less and enjoy it more. So if that's the end result I'm OK with that.

Its almost completely dark now. Daylight won't come for another twelve hours and my Tuesday mornings traveling to Southampton will soon be in the dark again. And so it goes....winter following autumn, autumn following summer, and another year gone. If only we could just slow it all down a little bit...

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Checks

I was trying to pay some bills yesterday and I had a thought: do people still use checks anymore? 

I had been doing most all of my bill paying online when I was married. So I was used to not writing checks very often. But then last year I had to open new accounts at the bank and I bought checks and never bothered to sign up for online bill-paying so I've been writing checks to pay my bills throughout this last year. But I suspect I may be one of a dying breed. How many people out there are actually still doing that? I suspect only those over a certain age and that puts me clearly in a category I prefer not to enter, but here I am nevertheless.

I comfort myself with the knowledge that I did pay all my bills online up until recently, so I'm not hopelessly out of date. But now, I guess I've taken a step backward, haven't I? I try to be current and not become one of those old people who just can't seem to keep up with the times, but I find myself slipping into that territory more often than not. 

I may have to set up online bill paying again just to make myself feel better. But I must admit there is much more satisfaction in putting a check in an envelope and dropping a pile of bills in the mail than there is in pressing a button on the computer to do the same thing. I may very well be old fashioned, but I also know enough to take my small pleasures where I can get them these days. They're few enough so I need to enjoy them!

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Saturdays again

I really don't like Saturdays anymore.

I went to the dump early this morning - 7am as the gate opened. I had lots of recycled things to donate, like newspapers, glass bottles, plastic containers, etc so I quickly delivered all those things and was home by 7:15. And then I read the newspaper. And then I ate some breakfast. And then I wondered what to do with myself the rest of the day.

I know there are lots of things to do out there. And I know there are lots of people who have no idea why I would hesitate to do any of them. But I'm just not comfortable doing things alone and I feel as though, if I'm not used to it by now after almost 15 months, I may never adjust to life alone.

There's a music festival in Montauk. Bluegrass music. I happen to like bluegrass music. I'd go, but.....

There's an artist studio tour today. I think I'd enjoy seeing the various studios and speaking with the artists, but....

There are always yard sales. I love yard sales. I could head out to look around at some yard sales, but...

There's am exhibit opening down at the Marine Museum - one of my favorite places - but...

The funny thing is I used to do some thing alone, like going to yard sales, or exhibits, but the fun is gone from those things now. I've considered the fact that I could be clinically depressed, but I'm really not. I have no problem getting out of bed in the morning and doing the things that need to be done. But there just doesn't seem to be a lot of joy in the things that are for fun.

And that, in a nutshell, is why I don't like Saturdays anymore. I think I should start staying up late Friday nights and sleeping through Saturdays. Now that's a solution! Hmmmm. I wonder how late I could stay up tonight and sleep through tomorrow....

Friday, September 15, 2017

Remembering

For some reason when I sat at the computer today I fixated on an old photo I have hanging off my wall calendar. I found it recently and was intrigued by it so I stuck it there. This morning its caught my attention.

The photo shows my late aunt with my second child sitting on her lap. Aunt Elaine has her knees bent - I think perhaps she's sitting on the floor leaning against the couch at my mother's house - and Elizabeth, who looks to be about 18-months or 2-years-old. is lying against her knees facing her. Her little hands are in Elaine's and they must have been having a chat about something. The thing that grabs me is the delight on both of their faces.

My aunt was never able to have children of her own, and therefore we were her chosen children. She and my uncle spoiled us rotten, with carefully chosen Christmas gifts every year and in so many other ways.  She spent untold hours knitting or crocheting outfits for our Barbie dolls when we were young, and I have two hand-knitted shawls in my closet that she made for me. If I never wear either one of them, they'll always have a place in that closet because they represent love to me.  

They both showered my children with that same love and when I see that photo it always makes me smile. Because it reminds me of many wonderful truths. It reminds me that the people that love and value us are not always the ones that are the closest in relationship or place. And it reminds me that if we love and value children it changes them. The sense of self-worth that those two people gave to me has carried me through some pretty tough times lately. And for that I'm forever grateful.

My uncle left this earth quite a long time ago now, and my aunt a few years ago. But the legacy they left remains in my heart.  

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Twins

I have ten grandchildren and they are all precious to me. Each one unique and special, and each one with a place in my heart that could never be filled by another.

Today is the fifth birthday of the only set of twins in that group. And that makes me think about what a special experience its been to watch twins growing up.

These girls are as different as day is from night - both in appearance and personality. They're fraternal. so that's to be expected, but being able to observe two children, born the exact same time and raised in the exact same environment is nevertheless a special treat. Its  like a front row seat to see how each one of us is so special and unique and each a special, loving creation by God.  They are so different, and yet I adore each one the same way. 

It says something as well about our capacity as humans to love. It seems that no matter how many children, or grandchildren, we have, our hearts can accommodate enough love to surround them and to fill us. Its a wonderful thing.

The twins are only five this year, so I hope I'll have many more years to watch them grow and change and become the adults they're destined to be. It will be a thrill to be able to watch them up close and personal. I hope its a privilege I enjoy. 

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Shared grief

Seeing the images from Houston and Florida truly hits one in the heart and I think its more here than some places. I know that because I haven't experienced earthquakes, as sad as the damage is and as much as we decry the loss of innocent lives when they happen, they don't ring the same bell that hurricanes do simply because we can relate to them so personally.

Those of us who've grown up here have many memories of hurricanes, some pretty devastating. We know that the clean-up is like, with debris of all sorts littering every place you look from the yards to the beaches to the rooftops. We understand storm surge and we know about downed trees and we appreciate life without electricity. We've been there and our hearts go out to those who are suffering the results now of the two killer storms that have marched up into our land in the last couple of weeks. We also understand boats being washed up on shore, and buildings hanging over the edges of dunes. 

As I sat at the waters edge yesterday enjoying a beautiful September morning, I couldn't help but think about that ocean that connects us with so much of the world, and how deadly it can be. One day it can charm you like crazy, the next pull you under and hold you down. It's a sociopathic phenomenon. And as much as I love it, I'll never be unafraid of it.

'Tis the season of hurricanes. And we wait it out cautiously, hoping they don't find their way this far north this year....